(written in 2016) The picture of me above is absolutely perfect for this post. I can’t tell if I’m walking away from something or walking toward something, but I am currently DOING BOTH in my life. Walking away from one thing to obtain something better…
I literally just got home from quitting my job and I have SO MANY MIXED EMOTIONS about it. Who in their right mind quits a stable job to pursue something so competitive and unknown? Apparently I freaking do. I am “closing a door” before the next one has opened for me. But I hope to slowly inch my way in.
I officially took the first big step toward my reaching my goals and YOU should take your first step too. Take a step toward the things that make you excited inside. That step doesn’t have to be as extreme as mine. It can be as simple as contacting a friend, getting a gym membership, writing a resume, submitting an application, saying hello, throwing something in the trash, having that tough but needed conversation, literally any step toward your goals. Make the tough sacrifices now to reach desired successes later.
I feel relieved. I feel scared. I feel happy. I feel excited. I feel stressed. I feel unsure. But mostly I feel good about it. My previous posts were all about walking away from things that don’t make you happy and beginning my journey…. but what good are my words if I don’t live them myself and put meaning to them? I hate when people say things but don’t align their actions with their words. So I finally listened to myself and my feelings and took the first big leap. I can’t believe it. I literally can’t believe I just did it. If someone told you I was freaking out about it they’d be right…. (frantically texting my best friend like she’s a dang diary about every emotion it brought me). But I did it nonetheless and do not regret it.
So what’s next? You’re probably wondering how I’m going to pay for things or what I’m going to do next right? It’s obviously the most stressful part of this whole ordeal, not going to lie about that. These beginning stages are the toughest but would not be possible without the help and support of my husband (very thankful for him). BUT I am also going to begin to apply for freelance jobs and put maximum effort into both my online store and this website. I will babysit, petsit, tutor, or find a part-time job for the funding and flexible scheduling that I want and need to travel often. In addition, I have already been cutting down on just about every thing unless it is a necessity, such as food. It’s not going to be easy, I’ll tell you that. I’m sure I’ll cry more than few times during this process, but I keep telling myself it will all be worth it.
I heard a commercial today with the common quote “Tell me I can’t…. so I can show you I can“. Usually I probably wouldn’t even hear what a commercial says, but it spoke to me today. And then shortly after that, in the grocery store, Jackson’s Man in the Mirror was playing (I’m not even a fan of his but the words again SPOKE to me…)
“I’m Gonna Make A Change,
For Once In My Life
It’s Gonna Feel Real Good,
Gonna Make A Difference
Gonna Make It Right . . .
If You Wanna Make The World a Better Place,
Take A Look At Yourself, And Then Make That . .
Crazy how relatable lyrics become when your emotions are all over the place. But my point is, opportunity is out there and I’m going to find it. I want to show myself that I can and if somebody out there doesn’t believe in YOU, then work hard and prove them wrong!
I am beginning to write out goals for myself and PLAN TRIPS (insert 50 yay’s!). I already have one in August and one in October and I am so excited for what the future holds. I WILL see the world. It may take a few months to get interesting to some readers, but it’s coming, just you wait! I hope that you all are following your dreams and passions in life. And if you are not, I hope that you will begin to with me. Close the door that isn’t making you feel great to open the door that does.
“IF YOU’RE BRAVE ENOUGH TO SAY GOODBYE, LIFE WILL REWARD YOU WITH A NEW HELLO.”
– Paulo Coelho
Thanks for joining me on this journey. Love you all.